Amazing Grace

It's just You and me, God...

2011-01-11T00:33:00.002-05:00

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! Yay for new beginnings :) Christmas was tough, like I expected it to be but God showered me with love and a safe hiding place in different forms. I needed a few days to recover but I think, overall, the whole experience brought me a little closer to God. What was different this time around was that I was able to remind myself of who God really is. He is loving, kind, patient and has given us free will. He is the standard that I should be living up to. Not others, no matter what they say. I'm not perfect but He isn't finished with me yet :)

"being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."

Philippians 1:6

Another thing that I'm trying to hold onto is: God's timing is perfect. Simple as that. (Thank you Mrs M for that reassurance!) And God is my protector. I know I worry too much when there is really no need to. God has always taken care of me, even though He has allowed many things. He allowed them to shape me. No, I'm not always at peace with this. God is still working on that. I do, however, want to get to a point of acceptance, even thankfulness for things that have happened and were beyond my control.

Seeing as how it is a new year, I do actually have some resolutions. Contrary to popular belief, resolutions can be kept, albeit imperfectly, and can have a positive impact. I believe that my resolutions come from God, well, some of them. Those being:

learn Chinese
learn guitar
procrastinate less
make peace with people and live in peace with everyone (as much as possible anyway!)
trust God more
be more thankful/joyful

I did actually keep most of my resolutions from last year, all thanks to Jesus! Hopefully this year will be similar and better!

Am I the only one who thinks that I, like many, am living a mediocre Christian life? I am currently reading Crazy Love by Francis Chan and he is only confirming my thoughts. What am I doing about it? Nothing. Yes, I admit it. I pray that God will change that. I am praying for a permanent eternal perspective. How differently would we live our lives if we did everything with eternity in mind?! I pray that God will make things so much more real to me this year - His love, our relationship, eternity with Him. That my desire would change from wanting to settle into things of this world to wanting what He wants for me.

Anywho, may we all draw closer to God this year and may we all experience His love in a way that changes us to the core!

Happy New Year and God bless! :)

It's been a while...

2010-12-14T13:38:00.000-05:00

I think almost a year has gone by since my last post. So much has happened and I just didn't have the energy to write about it. But I have a sudden urge to do so now!

It's been a really good year. My relationship with God has been up and down - mostly down - but I like to think that it's because it's a bit more stable now :) I'm a youth leader. Yes. It's true. And the best part is... I absolutely LOVE it! In the beginning, it was kind of rough. I didn't feel like I was fitting in or like it's what I was supposed to be doing. I think these doubts had more to do with my relationship with God than reality. God was faithful and everything changed at our first retreat. I fell in love with the kids! Now it is one of the highlights of my week.

I also started going to a group to help me deal with things like forgiveness, hurt etc. It was definitely a God-thing. I didn't put as much into it as I should have but now that things are a bit more calm, I will be redoing it so that I can be ready for an upcoming event. It is a pretty big event. Everyone else is more excited than I am. In fact, sometimes, I'm terrified. But God's timing is perfect. I just have to be obedient and He will watch over me.

God has been good. Many times I could not feel His presence but He shows me in little ways that He is right by me, always loving me. I think that big things are going to be happening very soon. And yes, I'm scared. But I have the support of amazing people and God is going to work it all out for His glory. That is why I am here, after all. :)

Consume me like a fire...

2010-01-30T13:49:00.000-05:00

My heart is so full! Of God! Answered prayer : ) I went to a corporate worship event last night, first one in a longggggg time and let me tell you, it was amazing! To just worship God for more than an hour straight with other people who love Jesus too - out of this world! And it was so refreshing after a long week.

So much happened this past week. Ok, not that much, but the things that did happen were kind of big. God closed a door and at first I was upset about it. Not so much about what happened, but rather the way in which in all happened. But what was so great was that the next morning, I woke up feeling so light and at peace : ) (Thank you for the prayers everyone!)

I've been praying for more passion and desire for God, and for more compassion for people. And I think that by closing that door, He has answered my passion prayer. Things have been so good in my life, and I haven't intentionally been pulling away from God, but during the tough times, people intentionally draw closer to God. And I want to do that in all times - bad AND good. So I praise Him for it all!

It's really cool how God works. These past few days, whenever I've been thinking or praying about things, right after, I would read scriptures or hear from people exactly what I've been thinking or praying about! Even last night at the worship event! It was just so cool! God is reminding me that He is here and He knows my thoughts and hears my prayers : )

¹ O LORD, you have searched me
and you know me.

² You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.

³ You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.

⁴ Before a word is on my tongue
you know it completely, O LORD.....

²³ Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.

Psalm 139

What a great Psalm! I mean, it's easy to KNOW these things about God, but it's another thing to BELIEVE them. And I praise God that He is making the knowing into believing! And I pray that He'll do that for you too!

I also pray that we won't be mediocre christians. It's so easy to get caught up in this world and all that we have to do but we are called to be different! To be a light!

¹⁸ The path of the righteous is like the first gleam of dawn,
shining ever brighter till the full light of day.

Proverbs 4

²Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.

Romans 12

Through Jesus we are free! So how can we look different to this world when we are so IN it and so burdened and tired and CHOOSING to stay that way?

²⁸"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. ²⁹Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. ³⁰For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

Matthew 11

I thank God that we do have brothers and sisters in Christ so that:

¹⁰ If one falls down,
his friend can help him up.

Ecclesiastes 4

Let's do that guys! So that we can do what our Savior has called us to do! We will never run out of 2nd chances with God, but we will run out of time. And there is a way everlasting after this temporary life on earth,

...lead me in the way everlasting.

Psalm 139:24

Don't you want the people you love most to know that and to be on the same path to Heaven? I know I do. It really hit me the other day when I was thinking of a friend and what a great person this friend is, but this friend doesn't know Jesus personally (yet) and how sad that is! And if they were to die tomorrow, where would they go??? And what did I do about it while they were alive???

I am hungry for Jesus, I want others to be too. I also want God's BEST, not 2nd best. So another prayer is that God will mold us into how He wants us and that we will surrender and give Him complete control and permission to do what He needs to do and that He will remove anything that is hindering that. When your desire for God starts growing, don't bottle it up! Let it out, let Him use you!! (Matthew 5:15)

~ This is my desire, consume me like a fire, 'cause I just want something beautiful~

Something Beautiful, Needtobreathe

Trust

2010-01-25T22:57:00.000-05:00

It's been a while since I've written, I know. School has started up again and God has once again blown me out of the water by blessing me with an amazing opportunity, right about the time I stopped worrying about it :)

Right now though, I'm going through a season of really having to trust God. And not lightly. No, this involves, well, no action or control on my part! Insane, I know! I'm such an impulsive go-getter type of person that this task is nearly impossible! God has impressed heavily on my heart what I need to do, and right now that would be doing nothing. Easier said than done! I want to do exactly what I know I shouldn't! But so far, by His amazing grace, I'm managing. When we are weak, that is when we are strong - 2 Cor. 12:10. Sometimes that makes no sense whatsoever. Only when you are right in the middle of the storm, ok, maybe when you are almost out of the storm, can you see how that is possible.

I'm trusting that He is in control. I'm trusting that He is bigger than any of my earthly obstacles and I know that He hears my prayers. I'm thankful that He knows my heart, intimately, so it really doesn't matter what other people think. And I'm thankful that He redeems mistakes and that He doesn't expect me to be perfect, phew! All He wants is my heart...

All I can do right now is to really cling to my Jesus. So that's what I'll do. For awhile there I was thinking that I need some big dramatic event in my life to draw me closer to God, but presently there is no such event, yet I always want to draw closer to God and get to know Him better. Luckily, He is faithful and I'm realizing that life doesn't need to be loud or dramatic for my faith to grow. It is growing right now. And it's quiet...

Break me

2010-01-09T00:45:00.000-05:00

Tonight at Mosaic, we went further in our study of Mark. We talked about when Peter denied Jesus 3 times and how at the end he broke down and cried. *Forewarning, I will never do justice to anyone's teaching on anything, and all that I write is based on what I experienced.* Long story short, we came to the conclusion that Peter was conflicted, but at the end God broke him and resolved the conflict.

How that applies to us as modern day disciples is that we should let God break us multiple times. And let Him resolve the conflicts within us. God can really use us when we surrender everything and are truly broken.

The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.” Psalm 51:17

The reason why I'm thinking so much about this is because just the other day a friend said to me to let God break me through my hurt. My natural reaction was no. No more brokeness!!!! I think I was comparing God's idea of brokenness to the world's brokenness. Not quite the same thing.

I want God's brokenness. I WANT Him to use me. And I WANT to cling to Him with all that I have and all that I am.

I've just had such peace this past week. I can only attribute that to the Lover of my soul. Ah, what sweet love it is....

Love Love Love

2010-01-09T00:00:00.000-05:00

I have a lot on my mind tonight. I almost always have a lot on my mind! I'm not sure where to start...hmmm....

Ok. So many of us think very lowly of ourselves. Especially girls. I think. I have no clue what guys think. Anywho. We don't think that people can love us, and when they do, we wonder: why??? It took me a while to accept God's love. But finally it couldn't be any clearer! And the realization took my breath away. It went along with believing His word. Not just parts of it, not just the parts that I understand, but all of it, even if I don't understand it. So how do I know God loves me? Well, not only has He shown me over and over again, but His word says so.

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

John 3:16

We love because he first loved us.

1 John 4:19

Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him.

1 John 4:8-9

Just to show a few examples. God loves us! He made us! We should believe it, and if we don't we can ask God to help us. He is faithful. I think many of us are scared to go to Him about certain things. We might think it's too big, or too little, or it's wrong. But like an alcoholic, nothing can change until you admit to a problem. And the really big kicker is, God ALREADY KNOWS! He knows your every desire, your every thought; He knows your heart, intimately.

¹ O LORD, you have searched me

and you know me.

² You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.

³ You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.

⁴ Before a word is on my tongue
you know it completely, O LORD.

Psalm 139:1-4

So why hold back??? He is yearning for an intimate relationship with all of us! Even though He already knows everything, He wants us to go to Him with it all!!! He's not going to reject you, or think less of you. He is going to give you whatever He you need. Comfort... Love... Peace...

I think it really hit me tonight when I was trying to convince a friend of just how loved and special she is and that it's not work to do things for her because I love her. Not because of what she does, but because of what she is. She is my friend. I wanted to shake it into her because I felt like she just wasn't accepting it. It was like, woah... is that how God feels? He lavishes His love on us. And oftentimes, we reject it.

Let me tell you, from firsthand experience, there is freedom. So much freedom, in accepting and delighting in His love. When you let Him hold your worth, and you know that He sees you as perfect because of His Son, Jesus Christ, you can pretty much just float through life on that!

What a great God we serve! : )

God first!

2010-01-05T23:28:00.000-05:00

I'm sitting at Starbucks waiting for dear,sweet Chrissy for our sorta weekly get-together. I love coffee shops. The atmosphere,what it represents. Well,to me it represents chatting, warmth, rest, getting to know someone. Kinda sounds like God :)

That atmosphere has kinda been invaded though by cellphones (I say that as I'm writing this on mine lol). Cellphones, like many other things, have replaced our relationship with not only people, but more sadly, God. Hm, so many things distracting us from God.

You shall have no other gods before me. Exodus 20:3

But He is bigger than that and can help us if we sincerely seek His help.

Last summer, I was a gym fundi (-South African term for an expert). I was literally addicted to the gym. I would go almost everyday for at least 2hrs or so. If I wasn't able to make it, I would be upset. And ok, at first I would do more talking than actually working out but eventually I wouldn't talk except to say hi or ask for help.

Eventually, the Holy Spirit started convicting me. I knew it was becoming an idol but I justified it in many ways. And I certainly didn't want to give it up. I wanted to spend more time with God and I knew gym time was replacing God time, but even more it was creating a barrier because I was being disobedient. So I prayed that God would take it away because I couldn't let go of it in my own strength. Being the faithful and loving God that He is, He has done just that.

This past semester I've been too busy with school, church and people to get to the gym more than 5 times or so the whole semester. I didn't even feel too bad about it. :) I'm not saying don't take care of your health, I do believe it is important as we represent God and He made us so we should take care of ourselves - Christians and exercise. What I am saying is that God should always come first. We should continually ask Him to show us the idols in our lives and we should ask Him to take those idols away. The devil will use them as footholds if we don't seek God and aren't obedient.

¹⁷So I tell you this, and insist on it in the Lord, that you must no longer live as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their thinking. ¹⁸They are darkened in their understanding and separated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them due to the hardening of their hearts. ¹⁹Having lost all sensitivity, they have given themselves over to sensuality so as to indulge in every kind of impurity, with a continual lust for more.

²⁰You, however, did not come to know Christ that way. ²¹Surely you heard of him and were taught in him in accordance with the truth that is in Jesus. ²²You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; ²³to be made new in the attitude of your minds; ²⁴and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.

²⁵Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body. ²⁶"In your anger do not sin"^[a]: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, ²⁷and do not give the devil a foothold. ²⁸He who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with his own hands, that he may have something to share with those in need.

Ephesians 4:17-28

(I love Ephesians, and the rest of the Bible, Thank You Lord!)

It's so easy and tempting to compromise, but Jesus didn't. He gave EVERYTHING so that we could have eternal life. He made no excuses and He put our Heavenly Father first. Why can't we? Hm, that's a good goal for 2010. : )

Resolutions

2010-01-04T23:36:00.001-05:00

Wow. It's 2010. Really??? 2010 used to be a far off year talked about in relation to the Soccer World Cup (hosted by my beautiful country, South Africa). My au pair friends and I all planned on meeting up in SA for this big event. Don't think that will be happening, but who knows?

I personally do like resolutions. To me they are more like AHA moments, given by God, that I decide to act on. Of course I could let them all float away as soon as they enter my mind, and many of them do. But the ones that I feel strongly about, I make use of. For the glory of God!

So here I go... I will probably edit them every now and then. Last year, I had very strong ones and very big ones and it was a big turning point in my life. It was the last one before the big one when I decided to completely surrender to God.

This year, they are somewhat different, but with a bigger goal in mind: to draw closer to God and to do His will and to really serve Him so that others can fall in love with Him too!

Ok, so here I really go:

I want to be discipled. I'm honestly not really sure what that looks like, but I want to get deeper into His word and to understand more. I'm hungry for more of Him. NOW!
Ministry. I've always felt like there has got to be more. More than my selfish existence centered around, well, myself. God has definitely brought me to this point of desiring to serve Him in big ways. I want to be fearless! So, I am praying that He will point me in a more specific direction but in the meantime I will do whatever He wants me to.
People. I used to hate people. Well, hate is a strong word, but I definitely didn't like people all the time. God has changed my heart about that too : ) Loving people have been pouring into my life these past 2-3 years and now I want to pour into others lives.
Pray more. You know those annoying people who text allll the time, even when in company? (I confess I am one of those people...unless I'm with grown ups). Well, the other day I was thinking that if we could all talk to God the way we text people, as in all the time and about everything, and even when in company, well, wouldn't that be awesome? He probably thinks that would be awesome too!

Hmmm, I think that is all for now.Prayer for those things would be great!

This new life of mine is just so surreal at times. I never thought I would want to or even be able to give up partying, or that I would want to serve in church. I also didn't have hope back then. But I do now!!! : )

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

P.s. I brought in the New Year with awesome people and I'm excited to see how God is going to use them in the new year. They all have a passion for God which is contagious! I would also like to add that my sister, Michelle, is amazing! She has opened her heart and her home to me and God has used her in a big, big way. Thank You Jesus for Your love!

Be Still

2010-01-02T01:43:00.000-05:00

So, I'm about to go to a New Years get-together but I wanted to share some truths which my amazing friend Chrissy just spoke into my heart.

We all are prone to getting caught up in worrying about tomorrow. Or the week ahead, or the month, and even the year. Where exactly does that get us? I'll tell you where it gets me. All in a tizzy is where! It really doesn't help the situation. It doesn't make anything move or happen faster. And it definitely doesn't give me peace.

Of course God already knew this! Which is why He told us:

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matthew 6:34.

How true! Or at least it is if we truly believe that God is in control and knows what He is doing and is doing it in His Perfect time! TRUST.

What we should be doing is living in the moment. God has us right where He wants us. And all He wants from us is to just delight in Him

Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4.

Be still, and know that I am God;Psalm 46:10

As simple as that. Why do we make it so complicated? Because we don't trust. Every moment is a moment that your life should glorify God. But when we are too busy worrying about the future, we miss that precious moment.

God isn't just there sometimes. He is omnipresent. He is there in your happiest moments, but He is also there in your storms. And He provides you with exactly what you need to get from moment to moment. Be still, and TRUST!

Sacrifices

2010-01-02T01:36:00.000-05:00

Many times God requires of us to make sacrifices.

Then he said to them all: "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. - Luke 9:23

These sacrifices are usually painful and make no sense – at first. Especially when you are seeking God and His will and want to glorify Him in everything you do. This is where I am at right now.

I prayed about a situation, one which I thought God was blessing. However, all of a sudden God said no. I’m not sure if He is saying, “not right now”, or “not at all”. This makes me unsure of what I should be praying. I know His will was done, but it hurts and it does not make sense.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;-Proverbs 3:5, is a verse that comes to mind.

Through all of this though, I do realize that I was impatient and pushing when I wasn’t supposed to. But I was capable of behaving in a manner more pleasing to God than ever before in similar situations. That was pretty cool to see. I think God also broke down some walls through the comfort of certain people. It is inspiring me to really serve God and to determine the ministry He has for me.

I have yet to see how God is going to use this. It may not be in a way that I want Him to, but whatever He decides, it is because He loves me and it is for my GOOD.

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.-Romans 8:28

Almost a New Year

2009-12-29T00:46:00.000-05:00

It's almost a new year. A new year usually means a new beginning with a list of resolutions to aid in this new beginning. I don't need another new beginning, I already got mine in Feb this year. And resolutions should be: God, what do You want me to do?

Back to Feb 2009. Really, God had been tugging at my heart for years. But of course I always knew better and no one was going to tell me anything different. Why would God care about me? He didn't answer my biggest prayer request (at the time) and He let me go through so much... nonsense. Therefore, since people were so disappointing, I was going to do it on my own.

For a while it was great! Parties, attention, FUN and eventually I started going to church again. God was slowly breaking down the walls, but I was living a double life. And I thought it was ok, that I deserved to do what I wanted, and that I could get away with it. Much to my dismay, I found that my way left me feeling empty and out of control. And broken. Finally, in Feb, I surrendered. I couldn't do it on my own anymore. God was saying, "All or nothing, but not halfway. I want all of you."

I stopped partying, stopped talking to guys and hanging out with them. And I was hungry for God! I wanted Him. I wanted His peace. I got more than I was expecting!

He had been changing my perspective for a while, but He did so more drastically and He was teaching me so much. And for the first time, I had hope. HOPE! :

~the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best~

How did I live without Him before? I didn't. A life lived in fear is a life half lived and that was my life. Fear of the unknown, fear of people, fear of disappointing myself and others. Fear fear fear. God doesn't want that for us!

~So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.~
Isaiah 41:10

Ah, finally, Truth! And Hope!

God has so much beauty and joy in store for those who love Him. Sometimes it takes starting a blog to be reminded of that. Especially when your hope has been in the wrong thing and you're being attacked by lies. But when you seek God's will, and even though it isn't what you maybe hoped it would be, He will be faithful. He IS being faithful and He is protecting you and preparing you for something greater.

~Weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.~ Psalm 30:5